Virtuous Connections

Each weekend I spend a few hours browsing through the several magazines and e-newsletters I receive throughout the week looking for opportunities to learn and share new ideas. Saturday afternoon, while enjoying a relaxing cigar and a small (yes, Dear, it was only a wee draught) taste of my favorite bourbon, the title of an article from strategy+business magazine caught my eye. “Virtuous Connections” jumped off the page, um, screen at me so I clicked on the link expecting to find a story about virtue in the workplace. Imagine my surprise when the first thing I read was the tag line, “A fine-tuned supply chain is more than the sum of its parts. Ideally, each link improves the next.” But… I was already there so I took a puff, had another sip, and dove in.

The article highlights the exploits of Roy West (not his real name) as he takes on the challenge of fixing the European supply chain of the lacquer division of a major multinational chemical company. This, I thought, is the suspenseful, on-the-edge-of-your-seat reading perfectly suited to a Saturday afternoon. But, all sarcasm aside, I learned as I read on that supply chains have a lot in common with the relationship chains we share in our lives with our loved ones, friends, and co-workers.

Roy discovered that there had been well-intentioned attempts to fix the supply chain, some even moderately successful. But those attempts had been too narrowly focused and failed to change the overall performance. In fact, some initiatives, while seeming to improve a small link actually hurt the overall performance of the supply chain. As he continued to examine these past efforts, “West came to a radical realization, something he had never considered fully before. Every supply chain is composed of a set of virtuous or vicious circles...”

So, you ask, what does this have to do with me? Think about it for a moment. Does your “relationship chain” have some weak links? Have you tried fixing parts of it only to find that other relationships suffered even more? Are there any vicious circles or connections in your chain? Even more worrisome, do you have any virtuous connections? A friend that I have known for more than thirty years reminded me the other day of something that Jim Rohn once said; “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Take a look at your five people. Are they virtuous or are they vicious? Are they building you up or are they breaking you down? Oh, by the way, you are one of someone else’s five people. Are you virtuous or are you vicious?

Ok. The inventory of your “relationship chain” is complete. If it’s broken or has weak links, fix it. Now! Before another day goes by! And here are a few ideas to get you started.

Fixing Your “Relationship Chain” Exercise

Take out a pen and a piece of paper. Go on, I’ll wait… Now write down the answers to the following questions:

1. Who do you want to be?
What does your ideal self look like and act like? What are the top five characteristics that you most admire in others and want for yourself?

2. Who are the five people you spend the most time with?
Write down their names and the first three characteristics you think of for each of them.

3. Are those five people a match with who you want to be?
Are they virtuous or vicious? Do they build you up or break you down? Do you really want to be like them? Seriously, write down the answers!

4. Do you need to break a vicious connection?
If any of your five people don’t exhibit the traits you want for yourself, you need to make a break. Changing them isn’t your job right now. Changing you is! This isn’t easy. Your five people are like a habit and we all know how hard a bad habit is to break. Think of it like this; your efforts to change and grow may serve as the inspiration to them or someone else. And remember Dr. Suess’ wise words: “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.

5. Who are the Top Five people you would like to be more like?
You don’t have to know them personally but maybe you already do. There are no limits here. It doesn’t matter if it’s a specific person. It can be someone outside your circle of friends and acquaintances. Perhaps it’s someone you admire like Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, or President Obama. It may be someone from the past like Teddy Roosevelt, Albert Einstein, or Thomas Jefferson. It could be a career that you admire. Let your imagination flow.

Now you must actively cultivate relationships with these people. How do you do that? Here are a few suggestions.

Direct contact

This can be face-to-face contact, telephone, email, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter and other social networks. How can you increase the opportunities to know this person? If you know them, find ways to communicate with them more often. If you don’t know the person, do they belong to a certain group or community in which you can participate? Do you have any friends who might know them? Remember “Six Degrees of Separation”? It works! There is a way for you to bridge into the same circles.

Read their books…

If direct contact does not work out, you can always bring the person to you in the form of their works. Have they written any books, articles, or blogs? Have they produced audio programs or podcasts? Get your hands on them and immerse yourself in them. The internet and your local library are a great source. These were after all written or recorded by them and the content will convey their consciousness and knowledge. Being exposed to these materials is a close second to interacting with them in person.

Visualization

Visualization is powerful. Clear your mind and visualize these people. Project them as clearly as possible, everything you know about how they look, think, act, and talk. When you are done, consult them in your mind and observe their responses to whatever you ask. It can also be used in daily life, where you project their persona onto you in your situations and think/act the way you think they will.

In his book, Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill wrote that he would have an imaginary council meeting with his “invisible counselors” every night before sleeping. The council started out as a group of nine; it eventually grew to more than fifty. It included people such as Darwin, Einstein, Aristotle, Confucius, and Socrates. Through these nightly council meetings, he gained immense inspiration, knowledge and the ideas which he credited for his success in life.

Your “Relationship Chain” is how your life touches others, for good or bad, much like a corporation’s supply chain delivers product to their customers. When your relationship chain is built with strong links, you will be successful and an inspiration to others. Work on it every day. Build it stronger and longer to touch more people. Be a “Top Five” person to everyone you know and everyone you meet.